Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
