Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
they're like a gay fantastic four
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
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