so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
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