there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
