I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
