i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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