i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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