Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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