I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
