she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
