it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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