babies were throwing up all over the place
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
