I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Randomize
