I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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