did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
