Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Randomize
