so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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