My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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