It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
