if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
