We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
