We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
No stitches, just platelets and will power
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
