Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
