you guys were way drunker than both of me
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
