There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
