what day is it and did you see me today?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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