u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
