I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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