Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
