My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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