the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
