So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
