I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
