Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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