I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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