everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
