ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
