i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Barsexuality is the new black.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
