I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
