I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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