So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
