I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
"it" just moved
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
