I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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