So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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