For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
