if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
