Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
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