So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
