now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
