I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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