i barfeds in our rink
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
