im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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