i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
