I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
