i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Randomize
