I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
