i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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