wakey wakey hands off snakey
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
