new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
worst night to have a conscience
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
